Christmas Chaos

     From the week of Thanksgiving to the end of Christmas Break our entire family is in a state of chaos.  Since we are a blended family, my three older kids travel to their dads for a couple of days over our Turkey Break.  Now the fact that they go down is not the problem since my oldest does the driving; it is the planning of when they will go down.  I will ask every child and their dad at least 3 times before things are finalized.  This year they had Thanksgiving dinner with us and then drove to their dads...however where they were going to leave from was not clearly decided until we were walking out the door.  This one of many things that drive me insane during this holiday month.

    Up above I posted what has to be one of my favorite Christmas Parodies - The 12 Pains of Christmas by Bob Rivers.  I can relate to every single one of the days he brings up in the song.  The first one being finding a Christmas tree.  When I was younger, cutting down the tree with my kids just seemed like the natural thing to do.  Now it is fake all the way, and if you are smart, you buy a pre-lighted one in order to avoid the irritation of going through the lights.  However, you can have issues with a fake tree as well.  Unpacking a fake tree for the first time is easy because it fits nicely in the box making it easy to remove.  What is still a mystery to me, is why the damn tree that fit so well before refuses to go back in the box the way it came out.  This is where duct tape comes in handy because whether it wants to cooperate or not that tree is going to be contained.  A downfall of forcing the tree back into the box is the chance of screwing up the lights causing the next year to have a tree lit at the top and at the bottom while the middle remains dark, which is why we had to get a new tree this year.

     Next is putting up Christmas lights.  We live in a 3 story house, not including the basement, so putting up lights is not a tradition we partake in.  We do however have two columns leading up to our front door, which we do put rope lights on.  If you have ever seen the movie Christmas Vacation where Clark Griswold is attempting to out do every one in the neighborhood by putting lights on every inch of his house than you know that people can get crazy over lights.  I have even known it to become such a battle that two battling neighbors would sabotage each other.  One time in particular was when one took a bulb out of a large string of lights causing all the others to malfunction - just like the song.  The neighbor with all the lights out had his wife and two kids out going through every string with him until the culprit was found, which is a good reason to have rope lights.  I wonder if the person who came up with string lights has ever received threatening letters or calls?

     I am going to skip over three in the song because I have not had a hangover for over 10 years, another casualty of becoming parents - no life and you become a light weight. .  On to four - filling out #$@#% Christmas cards.  Now as the woman in the family, this seems to fall on me...which I absolutely hate.  It has to be one of the worst jobs at Christmas time.  After one year of not doing it at all, and of course getting scolded for it...I discovered a much easier way to do it - HALLMARK! Hallmark has all of my addresses and after I get done creating my card with the kids on it, I pay and hit send.  They make the cards and send them out.  It is so worth the cost because I no longer have to hand write each card and lick the horrible sticky stuff on the envelopes which I have learned can contain insect eggs.  BLECH!  Now if you don't want to pay to have them sent another option would be emailing a card you have made with a short letter underneath.  This way the only effort comes from making the card and typing in the note.

     Since I brought up spending money let's dive into number five - the bills you are stuck paying after Christmas.  All I have to say is I am very happy that tax refunds come out in February because if it were not for that extra money...our kids would be opening underwear and socks every year.  While I am on underwear and socks - both of my boys are extremely picky about these two things.  It has to be Under Armor for underwear and Nike socks, which after buying three of each item for each of the boys, I have to take out a small loan just to cover the cost.  Whatever happened to those huge underwear and sock bins where each pair was no more than $2?

    During every Christmas we try to spend time with both sides of the family (mine and my husband, Shawn).  I have never really struggled with this as I have been blessed with amazing in-laws.  No really they are great and I believe my hubby feels the same way.  The only thing I would say is that neither one of our dads is still living and we greatly miss both of them.  Now that being said I have friends who dread a day with the in-laws because, to put it bluntly, they treat them like they are less than worthy of being a part of their family.  As a matter of fact this brings to mind one of my dearest friends, who has to be one of the most giving, loving, and overall amazing people I know, yet her in-laws are horrible to her, which is also effecting her kids.  Her wonderful son even took it upon himself to stand up to them and defend his mother...yeah they still did not catch on.  I realize that there are people out there who, as parents, we may feel are not suitable for our kids.  However, once they have been married for over, ohhhh let's say 15 years it is time to pack up your ill will and get over it because eventually you may alienate your child's entire family including your grandchildren.   

      Now normally I do not mind putting money in the Salvation Army Ringer's kettle, however there have been a few that get a little pushy.  Throughout the holiday season I try to keep some loose change in my purse so my two youngest children can feel as if they are helping out.  On a couple of rare occasions I have been coinless and actually had the ringer tell me that cash works and even managed to explain to me where the nearest ATM is located.  At that moment I wanted to give this young man a lesson in manners using my foot but instead I quickly walked into the store and silently cursed him in my head.  Now I don't know if you have ever taken two girls under the age of 12 shopping with you, but it is kind of like jogging with high heels on...you can't go as fast as you would like, you have to stop and rest a lot, you seem to get side tracked quite often, and when it seems like you are almost at the finish line...your heel breaks off and you have to limp the rest of the way.  By the time we got to the check out line, I was swearing revenge on their dad.  I bet you can guess what is coming - so as I walked out of the doors with one of the girls pouting and the other girl weeping that moron bell ringer approached me again asking if I had change now (in a very condescending tone); I happily looked at him and said "why yes I do but I need it to put into the offering plate at my Coven meeting, we are buying supplies for a new spell." Yep that left him speechless.

     We are getting close to the end of the song; number 8 is referring to kids and the blight that strikes them during this beautiful holiday season (insert sarcasm). I don't know if any of you out there have kids who have contracted this disease but I have to say the only cure comes at the end of Christmas Vacation.  What is this mysterious disease you ask?  It is called "I Want" and normally strikes kids under the age of 10.  Just when you think they have it all figured out what they want under the tree some parent-torturing commercial comes on with the #1 toy on the market and they want that too. However there is good news, when it comes to this disease it seems to disappear once they hit the tweens.  Instead the list consists of things that are far more expensive -the cost actually puts your car payment to shame. 

     I absolutely hate parking lots during the Christmas season because people are insane...kind of like the middle school drop off point with the psycho parents trying to push their kids out the door while the mini van is still moving.   Parking is also one area where my husband and I disagree.  I say park closer and he prefers the back.  We live in Iowa, in December it is very cold... I hate being cold.  The closer we are the less time I spend freezing my ass off.  Did I mention I HATE being cold. 

     Speaking of being cold...okay batteries not included has nothing to do with the cold but I could not think of a good transition into number 10 in the song.  Now sometimes toys do have the batteries included but more often than not they are those kind that last a whole 5 minutes after removing the toy from the packaging.  Now my mom will give our kids batteries as a stocking stuffer, which I love but once the batteries are in the "battery drawer" (yes we actually have a drawer in the mud room solely for batteries) it is first come first serve.  My boys have actually come to blows over this...any other time they will steal, yes steal, batteries from remotes, toys, and whatever else they can find that may have what they are so desperate acquire.  9 times out of 10 it is for their gaming controllers.  Little do they know that I have figured out their game and managed to switch the desired logs of energy with ones that are almost dead.  Yep I can be evil sometimes. 

     If I have not mentioned it before, I will confess it now...I am a T.V. junky.  I would attend a support group but I am afraid I would miss a show.  Anyway every year around the Christmas Season T.V. in inundated with Christmas specials.  Some are great and some make me want to throw myself into a frozen lake...and you all know I hate being cold.  Now my all time favorite special is A Christmas Story.  There are so many great one liners and mishaps that even after seeing it at least 100 times, it still makes me laugh.  However there is one I do not like and many of you may see this as horrific but It's A Wonderful Life is like nails on a chalkboard.  I have never liked it - every so often - I will give it another shot but it never works.  I could go on and on about this and the numerous shows that come on during this season but I will save you pain for fear that I might seem to resemble Scrooge.

     And now we are on the last day of the song...caroling.  To be completely honest, I really have never had an experience with carolers.  So I am not sure if this is something that would be annoying or not.  I guess if they were out of tune and had the words wrong I would be apt to throw the nearest item at them but if they were in tune and knew the words I may just join them.  I do really like the Christian Christmas songs, with my favorites being: Do You Hear What I Hear, Emmanuel, and Noel.  The beauty of these songs, if sung well, can make me tear up - but so can the stress of the season. 

     I know I have spent this whole post poking fun at the Christmas Season, but I really do love Christmas.  Watching others open the gifts I have given them and seeing the look of surprise on their faces has to be one of my favorite memories of all time.  It is hard to believe that this Christmas will be celebrated without my dad.  I have been with him on Christmas for 43 years; this one without him will be tough.  I want to end this post wishing all of you the happiest of holidays and a very blessed New Year. 

The Heart of a Football Mom

    
     It ended as quick as it began.  How did we get here already?  Was I prepared for this? Was he? I walked a little slower that night knowing it would be the last time.  With blankets and camera in hand, I walked through the stadium gates one last time.  Up the ramp, up the steps to my seat with the other varsity parents.  It was senior night and our son was being introduced along with 14 other players, honoring them on their last night.

Zachary Ryan Anderson, #81, and my amazing son

    The freshman team was still playing, so all the senior parents began reminiscing about getting to this moment.  Zach, our son, number 81 had been playing football since he was in 3rd grade.  First it was flag, next, in 5th and 6th grade, it was tackle.  He barely fit into the uniform.  Weighing in at a whole 50lbs, he was by far the smallest on the team.  Most moms would be panicked about their son being crushed, but not me.  I was one of the loudest parents in the stands.  Zach continued to play in 7th and 8th where they divide the boys into the heavy weights and light weights; he, of course was on the light weights and still one of the smallest and still not fitting into his pants.  He played some but not as much as he would have wanted.  Coaches loved him because he worked hard and one skill he had over all others was learning the plays.  It took him maybe a week to get them all down and then he was set.  He would take plays in to the QB play a couple of downs and then back out again.  Not exactly what he wanted but he would live with it for now.  There was still high school.

    While in 7th and 8th we discovered another skill Zach was blessed with...running fast.  When he was younger, Zach had the awful habit of walking on his toes.  No matter what we did or said he just could not stop.  At one point he even went through some physical therapy due to the fact that while toe-walking he had managed to shorten his Achilles tendons.  But, to no avail, he just could not remedy this problem.  It did, however, provide him with very strong muscular calves (which is his nickname), giving him the gift of running fast.  We knew that this would come in handy for high school football.  Being one of the fastest on the team, tends to give you an edge.   He dreamed of being a receiver - reaching out and snatching the ball from the air and taking it to the end zone.

     Zach's biggest obstacle was his size and being a tad worried about being flattened on the field.  His first two years in high school he still rode the bench a lot.  His fears seemed to be coming to life.  Getting bigger seemed to be the goal, so his dad had him work with a trainer working on lifting and stamina.  Zach sucked down protein shakes and lifted on an almost daily basis.  And then it happened, almost overnight - my son was taller, stronger, and faster.  His junior year he was the back-up receiver and towards the end even began starting.  His blocking still needed work but he had proven he could catch the ball and run.  In track he was running the 4x4 relay and the open 400 (meters).  While he really liked the relay, he would have much rather ran in the 200, but his coach had faith that he could make the 400 his race.  And he was right!  Zach went down as an alternate for the state track meet.

    Senior year, Zach was one of the two starting receivers for varsity.  My husband, Shawn and I decided we would get to every game - home and away.  His dad did the same.  We wanted to savor every second of his last year of Dodger football.  The year began with frustration; he was not getting the ball as much as he wanted but giving up was not his nature.

    It was time for the parents to report to the field and take their place next to their sons.  "Zach Anderson number 81" went out over the intercom.  God, this can't be his last game...please let him score...give him that one shining moment.  This field has been his second home for 4 years and this will be the last time he runs onto it with his uniform on.  After announcing the seniors, all the parents take another minute to hug the other players and wish them luck.  These are our boys, our sons, Zach's brothers and even though this is their final game the bond they have formed over the years will remain with them for many years to come.

    We made a line on either side of the tunnel, Zach was at the front of the line ready to lead the team onto the field one last time.  I held the tears back; it was hard but I managed.  We were only a few minutes into the first quarter - the QB steps back, looks down field and throws the ball.  My heart stops and I hold my breath.  Zach catches it and runs the remainder of the yardage for a touchdown.  The tears come.  A friend comes up the stairs and hugs me along with all the parents sitting with me.  One taps me and says, "that is the one he will remember".  I could not have been more proud.  The moment was bittersweet.  Our boys lost that night but I still walked away smiling.  A few weeks later Zach shared a little more about that moment.  He told me that he had put tape around his wrists with my dad's initials written on it.  My dad had passed away earlier in the year and Zach was very close to him.  When he hit the end zone he pointed the ball to the sky, giving my dad the ball.  Yep...I cried again.

    Now Zach is visiting colleges - a few that are recruiting him for his route, running and catching skills.  It is hard to believe that he will never dress in the Black and Red of the Dodgers again, but maybe, just maybe my time as a football mom will continue.

A Confession of Some Sorts

Okay we have direct TV with hundreds of channels and yet there are times when we can find nothing on that we want to watch.  I am a guide flipper... I put the guide up and skim through it 2-3 times before I settle on something.  Well one day I decided to settle on A&E, which just happened to be showing an episode of Duck Dynasty.  I am almost embarrassed to admit this but I was hooked in less than 10 minutes!  Once I was hooked, I passed the addiction on to my husband and children; we have officially become Duck followers.

I have never been a fan of reality TV but for some reason this show is different.  No one is being voted off, running a race, facing horrible fears, or trying to be the ultimate hero. There is no money to win or fame to gain.  Just a close knit family who hunts, plays, works, and cooks together.  So since I managed to get my family addicted...I thought I would tackle a bigger audience.  Mwahahahahaha!