Christmas Chaos

     From the week of Thanksgiving to the end of Christmas Break our entire family is in a state of chaos.  Since we are a blended family, my three older kids travel to their dads for a couple of days over our Turkey Break.  Now the fact that they go down is not the problem since my oldest does the driving; it is the planning of when they will go down.  I will ask every child and their dad at least 3 times before things are finalized.  This year they had Thanksgiving dinner with us and then drove to their dads...however where they were going to leave from was not clearly decided until we were walking out the door.  This one of many things that drive me insane during this holiday month.

    Up above I posted what has to be one of my favorite Christmas Parodies - The 12 Pains of Christmas by Bob Rivers.  I can relate to every single one of the days he brings up in the song.  The first one being finding a Christmas tree.  When I was younger, cutting down the tree with my kids just seemed like the natural thing to do.  Now it is fake all the way, and if you are smart, you buy a pre-lighted one in order to avoid the irritation of going through the lights.  However, you can have issues with a fake tree as well.  Unpacking a fake tree for the first time is easy because it fits nicely in the box making it easy to remove.  What is still a mystery to me, is why the damn tree that fit so well before refuses to go back in the box the way it came out.  This is where duct tape comes in handy because whether it wants to cooperate or not that tree is going to be contained.  A downfall of forcing the tree back into the box is the chance of screwing up the lights causing the next year to have a tree lit at the top and at the bottom while the middle remains dark, which is why we had to get a new tree this year.

     Next is putting up Christmas lights.  We live in a 3 story house, not including the basement, so putting up lights is not a tradition we partake in.  We do however have two columns leading up to our front door, which we do put rope lights on.  If you have ever seen the movie Christmas Vacation where Clark Griswold is attempting to out do every one in the neighborhood by putting lights on every inch of his house than you know that people can get crazy over lights.  I have even known it to become such a battle that two battling neighbors would sabotage each other.  One time in particular was when one took a bulb out of a large string of lights causing all the others to malfunction - just like the song.  The neighbor with all the lights out had his wife and two kids out going through every string with him until the culprit was found, which is a good reason to have rope lights.  I wonder if the person who came up with string lights has ever received threatening letters or calls?

     I am going to skip over three in the song because I have not had a hangover for over 10 years, another casualty of becoming parents - no life and you become a light weight. .  On to four - filling out #$@#% Christmas cards.  Now as the woman in the family, this seems to fall on me...which I absolutely hate.  It has to be one of the worst jobs at Christmas time.  After one year of not doing it at all, and of course getting scolded for it...I discovered a much easier way to do it - HALLMARK! Hallmark has all of my addresses and after I get done creating my card with the kids on it, I pay and hit send.  They make the cards and send them out.  It is so worth the cost because I no longer have to hand write each card and lick the horrible sticky stuff on the envelopes which I have learned can contain insect eggs.  BLECH!  Now if you don't want to pay to have them sent another option would be emailing a card you have made with a short letter underneath.  This way the only effort comes from making the card and typing in the note.

     Since I brought up spending money let's dive into number five - the bills you are stuck paying after Christmas.  All I have to say is I am very happy that tax refunds come out in February because if it were not for that extra money...our kids would be opening underwear and socks every year.  While I am on underwear and socks - both of my boys are extremely picky about these two things.  It has to be Under Armor for underwear and Nike socks, which after buying three of each item for each of the boys, I have to take out a small loan just to cover the cost.  Whatever happened to those huge underwear and sock bins where each pair was no more than $2?

    During every Christmas we try to spend time with both sides of the family (mine and my husband, Shawn).  I have never really struggled with this as I have been blessed with amazing in-laws.  No really they are great and I believe my hubby feels the same way.  The only thing I would say is that neither one of our dads is still living and we greatly miss both of them.  Now that being said I have friends who dread a day with the in-laws because, to put it bluntly, they treat them like they are less than worthy of being a part of their family.  As a matter of fact this brings to mind one of my dearest friends, who has to be one of the most giving, loving, and overall amazing people I know, yet her in-laws are horrible to her, which is also effecting her kids.  Her wonderful son even took it upon himself to stand up to them and defend his mother...yeah they still did not catch on.  I realize that there are people out there who, as parents, we may feel are not suitable for our kids.  However, once they have been married for over, ohhhh let's say 15 years it is time to pack up your ill will and get over it because eventually you may alienate your child's entire family including your grandchildren.   

      Now normally I do not mind putting money in the Salvation Army Ringer's kettle, however there have been a few that get a little pushy.  Throughout the holiday season I try to keep some loose change in my purse so my two youngest children can feel as if they are helping out.  On a couple of rare occasions I have been coinless and actually had the ringer tell me that cash works and even managed to explain to me where the nearest ATM is located.  At that moment I wanted to give this young man a lesson in manners using my foot but instead I quickly walked into the store and silently cursed him in my head.  Now I don't know if you have ever taken two girls under the age of 12 shopping with you, but it is kind of like jogging with high heels on...you can't go as fast as you would like, you have to stop and rest a lot, you seem to get side tracked quite often, and when it seems like you are almost at the finish line...your heel breaks off and you have to limp the rest of the way.  By the time we got to the check out line, I was swearing revenge on their dad.  I bet you can guess what is coming - so as I walked out of the doors with one of the girls pouting and the other girl weeping that moron bell ringer approached me again asking if I had change now (in a very condescending tone); I happily looked at him and said "why yes I do but I need it to put into the offering plate at my Coven meeting, we are buying supplies for a new spell." Yep that left him speechless.

     We are getting close to the end of the song; number 8 is referring to kids and the blight that strikes them during this beautiful holiday season (insert sarcasm). I don't know if any of you out there have kids who have contracted this disease but I have to say the only cure comes at the end of Christmas Vacation.  What is this mysterious disease you ask?  It is called "I Want" and normally strikes kids under the age of 10.  Just when you think they have it all figured out what they want under the tree some parent-torturing commercial comes on with the #1 toy on the market and they want that too. However there is good news, when it comes to this disease it seems to disappear once they hit the tweens.  Instead the list consists of things that are far more expensive -the cost actually puts your car payment to shame. 

     I absolutely hate parking lots during the Christmas season because people are insane...kind of like the middle school drop off point with the psycho parents trying to push their kids out the door while the mini van is still moving.   Parking is also one area where my husband and I disagree.  I say park closer and he prefers the back.  We live in Iowa, in December it is very cold... I hate being cold.  The closer we are the less time I spend freezing my ass off.  Did I mention I HATE being cold. 

     Speaking of being cold...okay batteries not included has nothing to do with the cold but I could not think of a good transition into number 10 in the song.  Now sometimes toys do have the batteries included but more often than not they are those kind that last a whole 5 minutes after removing the toy from the packaging.  Now my mom will give our kids batteries as a stocking stuffer, which I love but once the batteries are in the "battery drawer" (yes we actually have a drawer in the mud room solely for batteries) it is first come first serve.  My boys have actually come to blows over this...any other time they will steal, yes steal, batteries from remotes, toys, and whatever else they can find that may have what they are so desperate acquire.  9 times out of 10 it is for their gaming controllers.  Little do they know that I have figured out their game and managed to switch the desired logs of energy with ones that are almost dead.  Yep I can be evil sometimes. 

     If I have not mentioned it before, I will confess it now...I am a T.V. junky.  I would attend a support group but I am afraid I would miss a show.  Anyway every year around the Christmas Season T.V. in inundated with Christmas specials.  Some are great and some make me want to throw myself into a frozen lake...and you all know I hate being cold.  Now my all time favorite special is A Christmas Story.  There are so many great one liners and mishaps that even after seeing it at least 100 times, it still makes me laugh.  However there is one I do not like and many of you may see this as horrific but It's A Wonderful Life is like nails on a chalkboard.  I have never liked it - every so often - I will give it another shot but it never works.  I could go on and on about this and the numerous shows that come on during this season but I will save you pain for fear that I might seem to resemble Scrooge.

     And now we are on the last day of the song...caroling.  To be completely honest, I really have never had an experience with carolers.  So I am not sure if this is something that would be annoying or not.  I guess if they were out of tune and had the words wrong I would be apt to throw the nearest item at them but if they were in tune and knew the words I may just join them.  I do really like the Christian Christmas songs, with my favorites being: Do You Hear What I Hear, Emmanuel, and Noel.  The beauty of these songs, if sung well, can make me tear up - but so can the stress of the season. 

     I know I have spent this whole post poking fun at the Christmas Season, but I really do love Christmas.  Watching others open the gifts I have given them and seeing the look of surprise on their faces has to be one of my favorite memories of all time.  It is hard to believe that this Christmas will be celebrated without my dad.  I have been with him on Christmas for 43 years; this one without him will be tough.  I want to end this post wishing all of you the happiest of holidays and a very blessed New Year. 

Cleaning Your House While the Kids are Home is Like Brushing Your Teeth While Eating Oreos

My House will never be clean!!!!!!!!!!!

 I have found that having kids and a having a clean house are like oil and water - THEY DON'T MIX!!! I find myself apologizing to people for my messy house constantly. My worse offenders are my oldest and my youngest. The two in the middle TRY to pick up after themselves. This Lens introduces you to my world and the attempts I have made to keep our house fairly clean. I am still on that journey but love to talk about it.

You should have been here last week when   the house was clean....

 I remember clearly taking my daughter out to a friend's house to stay a while back; right outside the door was a sign that said "My House was Clean Last Week...Sorry You Missed it!" This made my husband and I chuckle to ourselves because that could be our family motto.

We live in a 5+ bedroom colonial brick home. Everyone has their own bedroom equipped with a dresser, TV, a place for their shoes, toy storage, and yes, a laundry hamper. Now within this household lives two adults (my husband and myself), a 16 year old boy, a 13 year old boy, a 9 year old girl and a 5 year old girl. If that isn't enough we also have 6 dogs (border collie/lab mix, vizsla, German short hair/lab mix, border collie, mini long-long haired daschund, English lab) and 3 cats. Insanity you say? Well for the most part we love living with a full home, fur and all. However trying to keep the house organized and clean is a task that would drive most people crazy and I do have my moments of wanting to crawl up in the fetal position and suck my thumb until the house is spotless.

Now my husband and I have done several things to keep our house somewhat systematic. When we first moved in to our house we had a closet in our entry way that could hold four jackets and two pairs of my husband’s size 14 shoes. We also had hooks for the kids to hang their coats and book bags on. For 5 years I dreamed of having cubbies built in place of the closet. Each kid would have their own cubby to store coats, bags, sports equipment, and a couple of pairs of shoes. I just knew that this would cause the kids to be more orderly with their belongings.  

 

My house is clean enough to be healthy but dirty enough to be happy

As I was saying I believed that this would keep the kids more organized, as well as, keep my floor clear of shoes, coats, and backpacks. Unfortunately I did not take into account that my kids have some sort of a blind spot on their left side. The reason I say this is because when they walk in the front door the cubbies are to their left, so you would assume that they would walk in the door and place their things in their cubby. Wrong!!! My kids walk right past the cubbies and begin dropping whatever they are carrying, leaving a trail behind them. As this happens I follow behind saying "You have cubbies!"

Now I know what you are thinking...we are the adults and we need to lay down the law. However, we are clearly outnumbered with 4 kids, 6 dogs, and 3 cats. Each kid has their own issue when it comes to picking up.

First there is the 17 year old boy. He is the stripper in the house. What I mean by this is that from the time he enters the door, after whatever sports practice he has been, he begins removing articles of clothing. His shoes, socks, sweats, sweatshirt, and last his shirt are scattered throughout the main floor of the house. After eating supper (leaving the dishes where he ate) he will take a shower forgetting about taking the clothes up to one of the 6 hampers provided for him upstairs. Now besides being a stripper, he is also has some sort of disability that keeps him from putting the towels he uses into the hamper in the bathroom. It is not unusual to find a plethora of wet smelly towels littering the floor. We have tried several attempts to cure him of this habit but to no avail he still cannot seem to find a normal place for his laundry. I would like to say that when we do point it out to him, he will immediately pick up his droppings and put them in their proper place.

Next we have the 15 year old boy...he has a condition called extreme laziness. Unlike his older brother, he does normally put his things into his cubby. However, he is plagued with the attitude of why clean up when it is just going to be a mess again. This belief applies mostly to his room and the kitchen. Just last night he was asking me to wash a bowl for him so he could make some soup in the microwave, claiming that he is just not good at washing dishes. I laughed and told him that if he wanted soup, he needed to clean his own bowl. He finally did but not without some groveling to get me to do it first. As for his room...have you ever seen a person walking around picking up cans to take to the redemption center? Well lets just say that if they somehow found their way in to my son's room, they would hit the bottle/can jackpot. He claims that he forgets to throw them away, but we know that it is the fact that he has to walk downstairs and throw them away in the kitchen. He has even used the I am waiting until I have more than one thing to throw away excuse. One thing? It is more like a whole garbage bag full - hefty size. He also has an aversion to making his bed, which he claims he does not know how to do. Now I realize that every morning when he gets up it looks like he was in a wrestling match with five WWE stars, but to pull up a sheet and comforter really is not that hard, yet he still rarely makes his bed. He also contributes to the towel chaos in the bathroom but tries to convince us that he does not use towels. The one thing we do not find of his around the house or on the floor of his room are clothes. He does somehow manage to put them in hampers strategically placed throughout the upstairs of the house.

Thirdly we have the 11 year old diva, I mean girl. She is the forgetful one...or so she would have us believe. If you ask her why her things are not in her cubby the answer we get is "I forgot", if you ask her why the game she got out 10 minutes before is not put away she will say "I forgot", if you ask her why her clothes are still in her clothes basket waiting to be put away, yep you guessed it "I forgot". Out of all the kids she is the one who will get out something to play with, use it for 10 minutes, then get sidetracked, and move on to a whole new activity forgetting about the one she had just gotten out. By the end of a Saturday you will be able to locate all the areas in which she occupied because of the items she has left throughout the house. Now while she is by far the largest contributor to our organized mess, she is also the one who helps the most when it comes time to clean it up.

Last is the 7 year old girl. Everyone has heard of the terrible twos, but let me assure you that a seven year old trying to become her own boss is far worse. Her idea of picking up is picking herself up and walking to another room. She has the attention span of a gnat, like many her age. She will start playing in one spot and end up in another with a whole different set of toys. She loves to help me clean but when it comes to picking up her own mess you would think that the sky is falling. It is something we work on daily.

While this whole article seems to be geared towards my personal experience, I want to take you back to the beginning and the sign I read "My House was Clean Last Week...Sorry you Missed it" that was on the outside of the door. I told the mom of my daughter's friend that I loved the sign and needed to find one for my house as well. She laughed and then passed on some advice; she told me that there would be plenty of time for a spotless house when the kids were grown and that she would much rather spend her time having fun with her kids instead of making sure every thing was off the floor, dusting, vacuuming, and making beds. Little did I realize that her time would be cut short. She passed away 5 months later.

The advice she gave me was right. I have watched people become so immersed in keeping their house spotless that nothing else matters. My house is a home, better known as an organized mess. I have learned to walk past the book bags on the floor, the shoes on the couch, and the empty plastic pop bottles left around. I do ask them to pick up after themselves but I also realize that kids make messes and when there are four of them plus whatever friends are over for the day, spending all my time following after them is time taken away from just having fun. So when you feel like screaming when things are not just so, realize that there will be time later, when the kids are grown, to have the perfectly clean house.

How My Blog Got its Name

     Anyone who knows me is well versed in my obsessive behavior when it comes to certain things - especially writing.  I will write, rewrite, erase, and then write again.  This is actually my second try at this post.  Anyway I wanted to begin a new blog with a great name.  And so the struggle to come up with a name begins.  I started with researching short quotes and sayings...nothing there inspired me.  Than I tried blog name generators...nothing really jumped out at me.  So after a few hours of  finding absolutely no inspiration I decided to go do laundry, which I despise.

     I began collecting the baskets in all of the bedrooms upstairs, taking them to the laundry room, and sorting them out into their proper containers.  Yes I am that person that has a container for each type of laundry load.  Anyway...once I sorted all the baskets I then went back to each of the rooms and gathered clothes off of the floor, since apparently walking two steps towards the laundry basket is an energy draining task.  Last, I hit the two bathrooms. Of course the boys bathroom is littered with socks, wet towels, and underwear.  Our bathroom, which we share with the two younger girls, and of course it is the same story only you need to include hair ties and head bands.  I begin to pick up and under one of the towels is the hairbrush, of course because putting it in the drawer does not make sense.  

    Now this is where it gets good - I pick up the brush, which makes me think about the morning.  Why, you ask.  Well every morning I brush my youngest daughters long blond hair; it is always full of ...are you ready...TANGLES! And when there are a lot of TANGLES there are lots of TEARS, which is where I came up with the name.  Who knew that doing laundry would inspire me?  After settling with the name, everything came together.

    When going through life we deal with a lot of tangles and shed a lot of tears.  Each tangle is something that helps us learn and push forward, to untangle what ever obstacle gets in our ways.  Then there is the tears...some are out of joy, some out of sadness, and some for no reason we can fathom. Each drop carries a strong emotion leaving a watermark on our memories.

    This blog will be a way for me to share my tangles and tears with the world and hope that what I write about touches the reader making them smile, laugh or even cry.  Welcome to my life Of Tangles and Tears.